How we got SOAP

This 4th pregnancy was  difficult to say the least. Compared to others I'm sure it looked like a walk in the park but for one of my pregnancies it was hard, frustrating, and scary and some days my pessimistic side got the better of me if I'm being totally honest. I had the unfortunate pleasure of having my all day sickness last till about 7 months which is really difficult and hard when you have 3 other children and are fairly active like I am. My days are full of appointments and commitments and play dates and all sorts of things. Because I was so sick all the time I quickly had to re-prioritize what was most important to me and I had to scale back on extra stuff which for me is hard to do. I was also deemed a high risk pregnancy this time as well due to various test results we got which also meant I got to drive to Phoenix weekly for ultrasounds as well as having weekly non-stress tests here in Prescott. Due to my high risk status my doctors and I decided that I should be induced at 37 weeks to protect the health of Penelope. I had tested positive for jka and s antibodies which are more uncommon and rare antibodies to develop and there is no treatment that can be given before birth. Basically what could happen is that my body could start to attack the babies and she would become anemic and would need a blood transfusion at birth among a list of other possible health concerns that could have happened. So with all that swirling around in my brain I was more then willing to consent to an induction even though I hated mine with Abby. We called my in-laws to let them know that I would be induced on Tuesday, December 8th so they needed to be at our house by Monday night to help us with the girls and so my mother-in-law could be there for the birth. My final non-stress test went great and I was all set for my induction. My in-laws arrived Monday afternoon and we finished all the last minute items on my to do list to be ready for the next morning. Finally at 10:30 my mother in law got us to go to bed and I was starting to get nervous for the next morning. I was remembering how painful contractions with pitocin were and I was praying I'd get an epidural this time. I got into bed and was trying to get myself comfortable when I had a familiar feeling, something I hadn't felt since Olivia's birth...my water broke. It was different this time though, with Olivia it was like two 1gallon milk jugs got dumped on my bed but this time I heard the familiar pop and when I was finally brave enough to make a small cough I felt a small gush, I honestly questioned if  I had just peed myself or if it was really my water breaking after all it was still 3 weeks from my due date. I went into the bathroom and told Jacob to get his mom because I was pretty sure my water had broken, being a nurse she helped confirm my theory of it being my water and not pee. I decided to take a shower and then I attempted to lay in bed and get a little bit of sleep. Around 1 am my contractions were getting a little too intense to stay asleep but they weren't consistent so I decided to kick things into gear by walking the length of my kitchen and living room. My mother-in-law got up with me to time my contractions and I'm glad she did. My contractions became constant and never ending. Their intensity would dull but I would have constant contractions for over 20 minutes. Finally around 3am I was getting so loud that I was nervous I'd wake up the girls so Jacob, his mom, and I headed to the hospital. I had to stop 2 or 3 times from the front entrance of the hospital until I got to my room, by this time it was 3:30 and I was getting checked in. That also took forever because I kept having to stop to breath threw my contractions. When the nurse finally checked me I was almost a 7! I know my mouth dropped I just couldn't believe how dilated I was over such a short period of time. I then mentioned my very strong desire for and epidural and they called the anesthesiologist who had to come from Prescott. At this point I started to tear up a bit because it was becoming so painful and I was convinced the anesthesiologist wouldn't make it and I would once again have a natural child birth. Jacob was so sweet and told me it would be alright and that yes I might have to do this on my own but I'd done it before so I could do it again. I was the most vocal I'd ever been during this labor on what I wanted and needed and I made sure to let everyone in my room know exactly what I was feeling to ensure a less chaotic delivery then Abigail's. I asked to be checked before my epidural was placed and I was almost a 9, I decided to continue to get the epidural still because my cervix still wasn't quite ready and I desperately wanted any kind of relief I could get. For those of you who haven't' had the joy of experiencing contractions the only thing I can think to describe them is the worst gas pain you've ever felt x10 and on steroids. At least that's what they feel like for me. I had two major contractions while my epidural was being placed and by the time he was done I was at a 10 and almost ready to push. I could feel the pressure and knew it would be any minute, I once again had to wait for the doctor to get there before I could push and I was desperately trying not to till the doctor arrived. I was so exhausted by this point that I had a hard time pushing once I could but after about 15 minutes out came our beautiful healthy baby girl. I burst into tears like I did with the other 3 and held my baby girl and all the appointments, being sick, and the whole process were worth it because we now had this beautiful perfect little girl. Even as I'm writing this I'm getting teary eyed remembering that sweet moment. Penelope Lorraine Jefferies was born at 5:33 am just 3 minutes after I was scheduled to be induced ironically and just 2 short hours after arriving at the hospital. She was 7lbs 2oz and 20in long and just perfect in every way, all of our concerns for her after birth didn't come to fruition which was a relief and a tender mercy. We stayed in the hospital for two nights just to keep an eye on her and to make sure everything looked good. Jacob is in love with her name and I'm warming up to it more every day, her middle name though has special meaning to me because it was my grandmothers name. I knew early on that I wanted Lorraine to be her middle name, all of our girls have a family name as their middle name and both Savannah and Penelope have names from my side of the family and they represent people that I have a deep love for that are no longer with me here on this earth. Penelope is now a week and a half old and we are all smitten with her, she is a wonderful, calm, and sweet baby. I often catch myself in the most blissful state while holding her and rubbing her back and trying to soak up every memory of this time that I can. Life seems perfect now with our SOAP girls (Savannah, Olivia, Abigail, and Penelope).

Overwhelmed

I hate feeling overwhelmed especially when I didn't know I was and suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks that yes I am completely and undeniably overwhelmed with pretty much every aspect of my life. I feel like I'm treading water just trying to keep up with the basic have to things in life and everything else is just falling by the wayside. I hate this feeling and its actually a feeling that is quite foreign to me if I'm being totally honest. I pride myself in the fact that I'm organized, that I really never take on more then I can handle, and that I'm a finisher meaning I always get the job done. So what's happened in the last 5 months since I last wrote that has made me feel so completely not myself? I got pregnant with our fourth baby. Now we are beyond thrilled to be having another baby, we had been trying for almost 8 months to get pregnant before it finally happened and we are so grateful to have another sweet baby come to our home. With that being said this little one has already turned my world upside down to be something that I don't even recognize. The biggest factor is that I'm still feeling sick and I'm currently 22 1/2 weeks pregnant and this is the sickest I have ever been hands down. I've also had a few complications with this pregnancy technically making me high risk and I've had more doctors appointments because of this. My house is a disaster zone most days, my kids are watching way too much tv, I still haven't folded my laundry from last week and its time to wash even more stuff, I feel like I'm neglecting Jacob and the girls because honestly I don't have any energy. I get scared that this will be my new normal once this baby is finally here, what if I have officially bitten off more then I can chew? But that's just the pessimist in me which I don't' let come out that often, the optimist knows deep down that I can do this, that eventually I'll start to feel like myself again, that slowly I'll be able to do more and actually be able to fold my laundry and if its a really good day even put it away. Because I know feeling this way is totally worth it to hold our sweet baby girl in four short months, to finally have this little one here because I've known for quite some time that she is meant to be a part of our family. When I remember all those things I don't feel quite so overwhelmed and I'm reminded of what's really important. Its not how clean my house is, how amazing our dinners are, or how many times I've gotten to take a shower in a week. Its that my family has a roof over their heads, that I have an amazing and hardworking husband, that I have 3 almost 4 beautiful and incredible children, that I understand what it is to love someone with my whole soul even someone that I haven't met yet. This life we have is a gift and its up to us to make the most of it, its ok to have bad days, to feel like we cant go on as long as we move past those feelings and realize how amazing we really are, that we can do hard things and do them well.

Here is one of the many pictures we have of our sweet little girl, also she's due to arrive the day after Christmas which also happens to me my birthday. All of us are so excite45d to finally meet her, she's shaping up to be just has lively as her other sisters since she's constantly kicking me and moving around. I know I'll have my work cut out for me fore sure but I really wouldn't change a thing.

Changing direction

You know when you get married or you're about to have a baby and people give you tons of advice? Some of it you find useful and some of it goes in one ear and out another. When I got married to Jacob I remember someone telling me not to talk badly about him to other people, that I should try and highlight his good qualities when talking about him to friends. I really liked this and for the most part I've been successful at it. One of the reasons I like this is because it makes me forget the stupid little stuff he does that might sometimes annoy me because I'm remembering all the awesome things he does and qualities he has. It helps me to fall in love with him over and over again and reminds me how amazing he really is. Now where am I going with this you might ask? Well I'll tell you; for as good as I am at following this advice with my husband I've realized I'm not that good at applying this advice when it comes to my children. Now let me start by saying how much I love and adore my girls and they have AMAZING qualities but sometimes I look at those amazing qualities and I don't see them in the most positive light, I've realized that lately I've been more negative then positive and I want it to change. I've been trying to understand my girls more and how they're personalities work and how I can better understand and help them to be the best versions of themselves. So to help me along I wanted to write little letters to each of my girls and highlight and share what I love about them.

Savannah,
 You my dear girl were born to lead and there is no question in my mind why you were sent to our family first. Since I was pregnant with you I've known you would be full of energy and full of ideas and I was right. Your mind is always working and coming up with new and exciting ideas I just can't wait to see what you'll think of next because its never what I expect. Your creativity is beautiful, you see things in such a way that you capture them beautifully and in your own unique way.You're so confident, you have more confidence them some adults and you are fearless, nothing is unattainable for you. You are independent, you don't need the approval of others to influence your choices. You are an amazing problem solver, watching you work out a problem is fascinating because I get a small glimpse of how your mind works and its beautiful. You are passionate! You feel your emotions so strongly and this can make you so empathetic and caring. You are loyal, you defend those you love with passion and care for them with such tenderness when they are hurt. You Savannah are one of a kind and it is such a privilege to be your mother.

Olivia,
 One of you strongest qualities is your sweetness. You have an amazing ability to make those around you feel joy and safe. I've seen you help bring people out of their shell and you're able to make almost anyone smile and laugh. You have an amazing energy about you. You are determined and are able to find ways to achieve whatever task is in front of you. You are aware of those around you and their feelings, you are very tender hearted and sensitive, you feel your emotions passionately and freely and you aren't embarrassed to let others know how you feel. You are kind and often put others before yourself. You are able to find happiness in the smallest things and you openly and freely show your love to those around you. Your love and spirit are infectious and it makes being your mother a joy.

Abigail,
 You possess this amazing ability to light up a room Abigail. Your laugh is infectious and you radiate happiness. You are determined!!! Nothing will stand in your way to accomplish your goal and you will find a way to achieve any task you set your mind too. You are smart, I love seeing how you look at the world and the things in it and you look outside the box. You see something for more then its intended purpose and you can see its greater potential. Watching you explore your world is a privilege, you are so curious to know how everything works and how you can make it work for you. You are SO brave!!! Fear does not stop you from doing what you want. You're active, you want to know what's going on around you and you want to see and experience life. You Abigail are a joy to love and take care of.

Have you ever done this with your kids? Actually taken the time to put into writing what it is you love about them? Maybe I'm just not as on top of it as some of you but its amazing. As I wrote about each of my girls I could feel my love for them growing as I relived memories and saw my girls the way their Heavenly Father must see them.

Opposites

Monday was a hard day for me and I have no idea why. Everything was hard, waking up was almost impossible, I could barely keep my eyes open all day, I even took a nap while Abby was asleep and Olivia was playing quietly in the living room. I don't know what it was but I had no energy and no motivation. My to do list was long, I had no shortage of things to occupy my time. I worked out and ate a good breakfast. Nothing I did seemed to quench my desire to just sleep, even my nap didn't help and it was a good hour of uninterrupted sleep. Fast forward to the next day, Tuesday and I had more energy and motivation then I knew what to do with which was good since my to do list had doubled in size with my lack of motivation and energy from the day before. I accomplished everything that I wanted and more. I woke up with enough time to work out, get dressed, make everyone breakfast, make Savannah's lunch, watch our character video, say morning prayers and get Savannah out the door and on the bus by 7:45. The younger girls and I were at an appointment by 9 followed by running to the store and then heart attacking Jacob's car at work and because I was so on top of it we fit in a quick 15 minute play date at the park before going home, having lunch, putting Abby down for a nap and getting Olivia on the bus at 11:50. Then I still had the entire rest of the afternoon to get the girls valentines for school started and the beginnings of dinner going. It was just funny to me to see the stark contrasts between Monday and Tuesday. I'm grateful for the Tuesday's I have to make up for the Monday's in my life. Also before Savannah left for school I snapped a few pictures of the girls, this one was my favorite.

He is the Gift

I love Christmas. I love everything about it actually, I love the
feeling of happiness I have and see in others. I love the look of
excitement and joy on my children's faces when they see Santa or open a
present. I love the smells, the songs, I just love everything. Something
else I love is remembering what Christmas is really about which is the
birth of our Savior Jesus Christ. Without him and what he's done for me
and each of you our lives here would be kind of pointless. Without him
and his sacrifice how would I be able to repent of my sins and return to
live in his presence with my Heavenly Father? I'm so grateful for the
birth of Jesus Christ and all that it means. I hope that we can all find
time during this busy Christmas season to stop and remember why we
really celebrate in the first place.

My Day Yesterday

This was my view all Sunday night and Monday. That's right even though I got my annual flu shot I still got the flu! Luckily it wasn't the worse case I've ever had but it still sucked just the same and I felt horrible. My littles were amazing and let me lay on the sofa most of the day and Savannah especially was so thoughtful and caring. My favorite thing she said yesterday was, "oh mom! Don't worry about being sick that just means we can do whatever you want all day." Jacob was also a sweet heart and came home and hour early so he was home right after Savannah got off the bus and helped her with her homework and made dinner for everyone. I'm still a little achy today and a little tired but I feel so much better they yesterday and I'm grateful for that.

Let the Fun Begin

I am so excited for this summer mostly because I am actually organized this summer and we are going to have a blast. This summer I decided to have themed days so we're doing at least one fun activity a day Monday thru Friday. We have Movie Monday, Library Tuesday, Service Wednesday, Tasty Treat Thursday, and Fabulously Fun Friday's. I bought movie passes for the summer movie program at our local movie theater that we get to go see every Monday morning. We missed the first two weeks because we were in Maryland but we got to start up this week and the girls loved it, there is just something about seeing a movie in the movie theater that makes it so fun. I also signed the girls up for our libraries summer reading program, this summer the girls need to read for 600 minutes which means I need to read to them for 600 minutes during the summer. So far we're on track and should finish up about a week before the end date. Our library also has fun summer activities every Tuesday that go along with there theme of science that we're planning to attend as well. Every Wednesday I've decided we are doing so act of service whether it be big or small.This past Wednesday we drew pictures for some good friends and took them to their house. I also have plans to have the girls go threw their toys and donate them, I think we're also going to take cookies or some treat to our local fireman and police officers, and we also like taping quarters on vending machines for people to use. I'm not sure how elaborate I'm going to make Tasty Treat Thursday, I think it will depend on my mood, this past Thursday I read them the book If You Give a Cat a Cupcake and then we made cupcakes. I don't think I'll always have a book to go along with what we're going to make but I want to try to. We also have some big plans for our Fabulously Fun Friday's, we have season passes to the Phoenix Science Center, we have tickets to the Prescott Heritage Zoo, and we plan on doing a few day trips as well. In addition to all this fun I'm trying to have the girls outside for at least an hour a day. Its actually really hard to do that here because our backyard sucks!!!!! Its mostly patches of crab grass that hurts to walk on and dirt so our play space is pretty limited unless I want the girls taking mud baths everyday. So far we've played with shaving cream on a tarp which they loved and we did some finger painting and played with sidewalk chalk. We're wanting to get the girls a little pool so they can have some water fun since sprinklers are out of the question. Another draw back to outdoor play is its so hot here already, its been in the mid to upper 90's since we got back from Maryland and by 11 am its usually already in the 90's. I'm also getting the two big girls signed up for swim lessons this summer as well and we have another fun mini vacation planned with some friends later this summer. Did I also mention we want to try and go camping? As I write all this down I think I sound crazy but I don't care, I want to wear my kids out as much as possible while keeping my sanity. Why you ask? Well if you're a mom you probably already guessed why, I want to cut back on fighting between my girls, it also makes my kids much more willing to have quite time everyday because I've worn them out and they sleep even better then they did before because I've made them exhausted. I have no doubt this summer will fly by and before I know it Savannah will be off to all day kindergarten and Olivia will be starting her second year of preschool. I can't wait for all the fun memories we'll all make this summer and for all the fun things we get to do.

(This last picture we took after the Prescott Valley Days Parade, Jacob was a good sport to come with us since he really does hate parades. The girls had a blast as usual.)

Flying

Where did January go? I am amazed at how quickly time is flying by. I'm amazed at how much we fit into one day and how much is slipping threw the cracks because we're so busy.  A few highlights from January were that this cute girl turned five months the beginning of January. Oh and yes, little Miss is in fact on her knees in this picture. Abby started army crawling right before she turned 5 months and at the end of the month she can move her knees but is still working on balancing and holding her weight while moving her hands. Its crazy, this little girl is growing up way too fast and she is already on her way to keeping up with her big sisters.

 The girls still adore Abby, Savannah is always wanting to hold and help mother Abby and I'll usually find Olivia laying on the floor with Abby singing to her.

 Another big milestone for Abby is that later this week she gets to start eating food which means it time for the highchair. We finally bought a highchair, with both the other girls we used a hand-me down one we got and it was time for an upgrade. I love it and Abby really loves it. She's so content to sit in it while I make dinner and she enjoys being up at the table with us. She's also very excited to eat food, she just stares at us while eating and tries grabbing our food all the time.

 

 I'm also proud to say that my goals have been going well. I'm on track with my scripture reading and I only missed 2 days of working out the entire month and I'm slowly but surely getting back on track to getting more things accomplished around the house that need to get done. January was a great month and I'm excited for February. This month Jacob will have our 8 year anniversary, my parents are coming to visit the end of the month, and its Valentines Day! Now if I can just do better at blogging more often because I really miss it, I think February will be my month.

Resolutions

I read somewhere that 70% of people don't keep their New Years resolutions. They said it was mostly because people have so many other things going on in their lives that they can't/don't incorporate their resolutions into their lives. Its a bit discouraging actually because I've made some goals for myself and I really want to keep them so hopefully I'm one of the 30% that will actually keep their goals. My big unspecific goal is to be more proactive, I feel like since I've had Abigail I've been doing good at meeting my family's basic needs but I've been letting other things slide that are important to me. For example having a clean house, folding the laundry, and actually getting myself ready in the morning. Even little things like making my bed and putting the dishes in the dishwasher after each meal. So that's my big not super specific goal, to start reincorporating those daily tasks that I've been neglecting. Two specific goals I've made are first to be more healthy by being more aware of what I'm eating and by exercising. These last 5 years my body has been threw the ringer having children. With both Savannah and Abigail I gained 50 pounds and with Olivia I was good and only gained 30. Its taken quite a toll on my body to gain and then try to lose so much weight. I know it comes with the territory when you have children and I'm so proud that I've had 3 successful pregnancies. I know that I will never have the same body that I did before I had the girls but I can improve my health and be in better shape then I am now. My third goal is one I'm actually pretty excited about because its one I've been wanting to do for some time. I found this link on Pinterest for reading the entire standard works in one year. That's the Old and New Testament, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price. On average you're reading about 7/8 pages a day and I can't wait to accomplish this goal!
So there you have it blogger world my 3 New Years resolutions. We'll see how well I do at actually completing them and I'll keep you posted threw out the year too. Have you set any goals? If you have good luck in meeting them.  What is it they say? It takes 21 days to turn something into a habit?

3 Months

Well somehow this beautiful girl has turned 3 months old! I find it to be completely crazy to say the least. I also can't seem to get over how in love with her I am, its been interesting for me to see how things are different with Abigail. I for the first time don't mind nursing which is weird to me, Abby nurses and takes a bottle because my milk supply is so low and I'm on medication this time to increase my supply. I find that if I don't nurse I miss it and I miss having that time with her. I'm excited that I finally feel this way because with the other two girls I wasn't the biggest fan of nursing. I also don't seem to mind getting up at night with Abby at all, I actually enjoy the time together with her. Abby is a joy in our home, when she was about a month old I was a little worried because she wanted to be held all the time and would cry if you weren't paying attention to her. This lasted for about a month and a half and I really wondered how I was going to get anything done because I couldn't hold her all the time. Sometimes I'd just have to lay her down and let her cry so I could go to the bathroom, help the girls, or just make dinner. Thankfully when we got back from our trip to Utah she got over the need to be held all the time and has become content laying by herself and looking around. Her big sisters love to entertain her and are usually singing her songs or asking if they can hold her or feed her a bottle. At Abby's 2 month check up she was 11lbs and I couldn't believe it, she's also quite long. She also rolled over for the first time 2 days ago. It took her all day but she managed to finally do it and she was very proud of herself. The whole time she was grunting and almost crying but once she got onto her stomach she was as happy as could be. Rolling over has not become a set skill for her yet but within a month I'm assuming she'll be a pro at it. Abby is a very good combination of Savannah and Olivia, I can tell she'll be a bit more independent and probably stubborn like Savannah but she has a sweetness about her like Olivia. Abby smiles ALL. THE. TIME. I love her smile and she gives it to me willingly. Its amazing to see the love that she already has for all of us and she recognizes us. She adores the girls and loves when they are near her, she also adores Jacob and is happy to sit with him for hours. He is of course taking full advantage whenever he can because snuggling with his girls is one of his favorite things and the older ones don't snuggle with him enough. Even though this is our third baby it still amazes me how much I fall in love with each new addition and how as soon as they're here I can't imagine our lives without them. Abigail is the perfect addition to our family and I'm excited to enjoy each and every moment with her that I can.

Five Already?!

How did this happen? How is it possible that my first born is already 5? The years have flown by and I'm in awe of the person this girl is becoming. Savannah is many things, she is extremely loving, very passionate, she lets you know exactly how she is feeling, she is oh so smart, she has a temper, she's stubborn, and so much more. She has been saying some of the funniest things, three of her catch phrases are; "Oh crap!" as she hits her forehead with her hand, "We have a problem!" and I totally just forgot the third things she says. I'm a horrible mom. I kept with tradition and decorated the house with balloons and streamers and as an added surprise we got Savannah flowers because she LOVES flowers. Some things Savannah loves are anything art related, going to school, watching My Fair Bride, taking care of Abigail, and dress up. She cracks me up when she watches My Fair Bride with me, every wedding is better then the last to her and during each show she tells me how she wants that when she gets married. She'll even gasp and say how beautiful things look, she just cracks me up! Savannah is just such a joy, she is definitely challenging at times but I love her more then words can describe. I can't imagine our lives without her and her sweet spirit, she is always amazing me and keeping me on my toes. I've loved these last five years with her and I can't wait to see what her future holds.

A New Chapter Begins

 So this was me a week ago. 39 Weeks pregnant and heading off to my doctors appointment. I was beyond impatient to get my labor started and I had been having contractions for over a week. I felt like with this baby I was on a time schedule to have her and I needed her to come like now. Both my girls were starting school on the 13th, my parents were driving out from Maryland to come see the baby, and Jacob starts school on the 19th and I really wanted him to have some time with our newest little girl before he was gone all the time. At my appointment I was still only dilated to a 2! I was beyond disappointed about that but I was pretty much totally effaced which was awesome. My doctor offered to induce me the next day because it was the only day he was on call at the hospital. Now those of you who know me know I'm not a fan of inductions but I was so overcome with the feeling of yes do this that I agreed and we scheduled me to be induced at 5:30 the next morning. I felt calm and so peaceful about the decision, I didn't really have to do anything to get ready because I was already all ready to have this baby. My house was clean, all my freezer meals were made, mine and the girls bags were packed. Our last day as a family of 4 was spent hanging out watching TV and playing together. I got up the next morning and got myself all ready to head over to the hospital, a friend came to stay at our place till the girls woke up and then they would be off having a blast playing with friends and having a sleepover. I started having a panic attack on the way to the hospital. It was like all my memories of labor and childbirth came rushing back to me and I thought I might throw up on the 5 minute car ride to the hospital. I ended up not getting my induction started till around 8:30 and I began to remember how much I didn't like pitocin at all. They started me off slow and my contractions started coming regularly and with some intensity. I had it under control and was in my zone, I was totally proud of myself. The problem was I wasn't dilating. They upped my dose and had me go for a walk for 30 minutes around the hospital. That was all it took, when they checked me next I was almost to a 4. By now it was around 1ish, Jacob left for about 30 minutes to get some warmer clothes because he was freezing in my room and he needed to get some lunch. Right before he left I was also told that my doctor wanted me to be tad more dilated before I got my epidural. I always contemplate having my kids naturally but I've never had the guts to do it. I enjoy my epidurals and I enjoy child birth as much as you can because I'm drugged up. At 3:00 I was dilated to a 6 almost 7 and the anesthesiologist was called to come give me my epidural. I swear it took him FOREVER to come seriously! What I didn't know was he wasn't in the hospital so he was coming from somewhere else. After each contraction I kept thinking oh this is the last one I'll feel, he'll walk threw those doors any minute and I won't have to go threw this anymore. Remember I'm still on pitocin and its up to a 9 which is pretty high. FINALLY the anesthesiologist comes in, I'm having the worst contractions I have ever experienced out of all my labors. I am not in the zone to say the least. At one point I begged Jacob to make it stop and I told him I didn't think I could do this anymore. Jacob was amazing. He encouraged me and gave me the support I needed threw out the entire experience. (To some this next bit may be a bit graphic so you may want to skip to the pictures.) As I was sitting on the edge of the bed getting my epidural I knew something wasn't quite right. I was feeling lots of pressure like the baby was coming, I was having the most horrid contractions, and all while having a needle placed in my back. While my epidural was being placed my water broke. It was just like with Olivia and it got all over the floor and Jacob. He was a champ and didn't say a word even though I know he was totally grossed out. I kept saying I was sorry in between screaming in pain. The epidural was set and the anesthesiologist was fiddling with the dosage, I was moved to my back and I started feeling the head crown. I told the nurse who looked under my sheet and then ran out of the room. Next she come running back with a handful of nurses and my doctor. My nurse tells me how to breath and not to push. Have you ever tried to not push when your babies head is crowning? I did good following that direction but my body didn't. My doctor literally just got suited up and put his hands down there when out came my baby. I didnt' have to push at all because my body just took over and out she came. I had her at 4:02, so in about an hour I dilated 4cm and had a natural child birth since my epidural hadn't even taken effect yet. We finally decided to name her Abigail Lynn and she weighed in at 7lbs 8oz and was just over 20in long. She's perfect in every way. Jacob and I were talking afterwards and we both said how grateful we were that I had been induced because were both nervous that if my water had broke at home that I might have delivered her on the car ride over to the hospital. Whenever Jacob tells someone about my labor he says how proud of me he is and how he felt helpless watching me go threw so much. I won't lie, I'm still a bit traumatized after giving birth which is very new for me. I had nightmares the entire first night in the hospital. I'm proud of myself for doing something so hard when I wasn't prepared for it at all. Good for you women who have natural childbirths but I have no desire to do that again ever. The end result made all the pain worth it. I love looking at our beautiful new daughter, holding her, and smelling that incredible new baby smell. We're all in love with little Abigail. After she was born her jaundice levels were already quite high so she and I ended up staying in the hospital for an extra day. We were very lucky that we were able to get in under control fast and on Thursday afternoon we got to come home. At her check-up on Friday afternoon her levels were still a bit high but they were in a safe enough range for how old she was that we didn't have to take her back to the hospital. She's still doing really well so we should be out of the clear. Our chances of future children having jaundice are also high since 2 of our 3 kids have all had high levels and I also had high levels when I was born.

 Overall everything is going really well. I'm healing a bit slower then I did with Olivia but much faster then after Savannah. I've already gone on 2 outings which was fantastic. I go stir crazy staying in the house for too long. I don't think I have the baby blues but it is a bit easier to make me cry, I did the same thing while pregnant too though. My mom is still here visiting and will be here for another week. My dad even came out this time and got to spend 4 1/2 days with us before he flew home yesterday. The girls are totally in love with Abby and just can't seem to get enough of her, especially Savannah. Honestly I just feel so blessed that I've been able to bring 3 beautiful and healthy girls into this world. That I have an amazing husband who adores us and works so hard for us. That I have an amazing family who is willing to help me make this transition from 2 to 3 kids. I feel so lucky that I get to be a mom even on the days when my kids drive me nuts. So here is to a new chapter for our family of 5. Its definitely going to be a crazy ride but I really wouldn't have it any other way.

38 Weeks

As of today I'm 38 weeks pregnant. This pregnancy has FLOWN by! It really is crazy to think that within 2 weeks we will most likely be holding our new little girl and be a family of 5. True to form this pregnancy has been similar and oh so different from the other two. Now that I'm in the end I'm starting to feel miserable which I totally expect because if I didn't there is no way I'd be up for labor. Some of the fun things that are bugging me of late are the fact that my stomach is so big I can't stand in front of the sink to do dishes, I have to be turned to my side to be able to actually reach in the sink. I finally started swelling up, I no longer have my cute skinny ankles but I now have cankles. Its sad and depressing but what are you gonna do about it? I can't sleep at all, I get up at least 3 times every night and sometimes more. The reason for getting up? I have to pee ALL the time! I feel like I'm about to pee my pants and then I hardly go at all. This girl likes to use my bladder as a pillow or something, this requires me to pee like every hour minimum and sometimes every half hour. I'm also so big this time that I really don't fit into most of my clothes so I wear the same outfits a lot because I'm limited on what I can wear that's comfortable. I once again hate cooking. I struggle to make dinner because I get so hot cooking, I want take out all the time but I'm trying to be good. I get nauseated again, usually its if I've eaten too much crap during the day so sometimes a night I feel like I'm just going to throw up everywhere.
Well there you have it, some of the fun things that I'm feeling right now. Like I said I know we have to feel miserable at the end otherwise who in their right mind would want to go threw labor? Not me that's who! The funny part is, is that after each of the girls I remember freaking out after they were born and thinking I wasn't ready just yet and how I wished they'd staying in a little longer, lol. We are beyond excited to welcome this new little one into the world and we know she'll be here before we know it. Our whole family is excited to finally hold her and see what she looks like and who she is. When you really think about it this is such an amazing experience to go threw. To think that there is a person growing inside you, to think of how many things have to go just right to form this perfect little person. Its just such a miracle.

Nesting the Third Time

 

My big ol' belly at 33 weeks 

I tell you this pregnancy is just so different for me! I was the sickest I've ever been, this girl of ours is so strong already that she hurts me when she kicks! Seriously people I have to do breathing exercises sometimes its ridiculous. I'm huge! Each time I have a baby I just get bigger and bigger its crazy, a plus is I can still see my ankles which is AMAZING! Nesting has also been super different for me this time around. I'm a big planner/organizer and usually I start nesting in my second trimester until I pop out my baby. Not this time...I'm actually still waiting to start the nesting thing. Don't get me wrong I totally feel the need and see the importance of getting a lot of things done but I'm just not feeling it.  I have no motivation to actually get started.  When I make myself do something I feel that wonderful sense of accomplishment but it takes a lot to motivate me. Its just so not me and it feels weird to be totally honest. I made myself go buy some things today that we'll need for when the baby comes, you know like some nursing pads and bottles and such. I've also started making freezer meals since I have no idea what to expect after this girl comes. Oh and have I mentioned we have no idea what we're naming her either?! That fact alone is killing me and so unlike the other girls. We had their names picked out before we were even pregnant and with this little girl I feel at a loss. No name gives me that overwhelming feeling of yes baby girl that is your name, that is who you are like I had with the other two. We've been calling her a name since May and I like it but I won't even commit to it enough to say it on our blog for goodness sakes. I think part of my nesting problems is I actually feel very overwhelmed about having our third now that we're almost 4 weeks away. I've slowly realized how really alone we are here. Don't get me wrong we have some wonderful friends who have made it very clear that they are more then willing to help in any way we need but the majority of our family and our closest friends all live in different states. This is a first for us and I'm realizing how I really need to be on top of as many things now as I can to save my sanity after this baby comes. Especially since Jacob starts back at school the week after my due date, that means that once he starts school he'll be gone from 5:30am-9:30pm Monday thru Friday. It makes me a bit nervous to be alone with all 3 girls that much and still remain sane and on top of things. I sound like such a Debbie downer don't I?! Its how I deal with some situations in all honestly, I try and expect the worse so that I'm either mentally prepared or so that the situation exceeds my expectations. It works for me so I keep doing it and if you know me at all you know I am typically VERY optimistic. So now you all know the truth, I'm feeling overwhelmed and a bit nervous about the changes coming up in our family. Deep down I know everything will be fine, I'm beyond excited to meet this little girl that is beating me up from the inside, and I'm so excited that our family is growing but I'm also a bit nervous. Life is full of mystery and we never quite know what's ahead, all we can do is push forward with faith, trust in ourselves and the Lord and know that all will be well.

Elf on the Shelf

So I'm sure you all have different opinions on the whole concept of Elf on the Shelf and I have mine too which is why I decided that this year Santa would be giving us an Elf for the month of December. We picked our Elf up soon after we got back from Maryland (a post of that trip is coming soon.) Savannah was so excited and she picked out or Elf whom she quickly named Jess. What really sold me on the idea of starting this new tradition was that I could make it anything I wanted. I can go as crazy or mild as I want and I can gear it towards the needs of our family. Now I will also say I just think its a fun idea. I remember being a kid and being so excited for Santa to come, to see if he'd eaten the cookies I'd left out. Christmas was always so magical and I want it to be the same for my girls. I don't feel like I'm lying for telling my girls that Santa is real or for having an Elf on the Shelf. I feel like I'm helping to make memories and to get them excited for such a wonderful holiday. Now its not all about Santa, we are after all celebrating the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ and that will also play a big role in how we celebrate this Christmas season. On December 1st we'll be getting a letter from Santa, I got the idea from this BLOG. I changed the letter a bit to work for our family but it mostly talks about how Santa knows the girls aren't perfect and are sometimes naughty. How they need to try and be kind and remember the Savior by serving others. It also explains that Jess was sent to us so we could teach her to be more obedient because she just like them can get in trouble and be naughty. I think as the month goes on Jess will start to do less naughty things and more nice things for us as she learns from the girls how to be obedient and serve. We'll also be doing a scripture advent calender, I got the idea from this SITE and am excited to help the girls understand why we even celebrate Christmas in the first place.

Goals

So I've felt like I've been in a bit of a slump lately. It shouldn't surprise me that I have been because I usually get in one after there has been some kind of change to happen in my life. Life here is going good, we're all settled but I'm still trying to figure out where I fit in and what my life will consist of here in Arizona. I'm basically a single mom since Jacob is busy from 6am-9pm Monday thru Friday. I've felt a bit lost and overwhelmed at times as I try to juggle everything that goes along with moving and restarting your life. Setting up all our utilities, changing our address with from all our previous bills, getting insurance set up, finding a new doctor for the girls, making new friends, trying to fill our days with something so we don't all go crazy, and so much more. This past weekend we had General Conference, it was wonderful and this was the first time that I've watched having certain questions I wanted to find answers to. It was amazing to me how I could find something in every talk given that answered my questions. During the Saturday afternoon session I decided I needed to set some goals, I needed something to strive for each day to bring more structure into my life and in turn the girls. So to make my goals even more real and to help me try to achieve them I'm going to share them with you.

Read my scriptures every day and read my lessons for Sunday classes at Church.
Say my prayers morning and night and say them on my knees.
Work out Monday thru Friday even if its something small.
Limit time spent on the internet.
Have school at home with Savannah Monday thru Friday.
Do 1 act of service each week.
Say kind words at all times.
Put an effort into how I look everyday, no pj's till after 6pm.
Have structured meal times for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks.

It was amazing to me to see how quickly I stopped doing these things after we moved, we were just flying by the seat of our pants and really lost all our structure. I hated it and I hated how it made me feel. I don't need to have every minute of my day planned out but just having the basics planned has made all the difference. Not wearing my pj's all the time has been a huge difference for me, I'd get dressed if we were going out but as soon as we got home I'd put my sweats back on. I just felt so lazy and unmotivated to do anything. Today I know we aren't going anywhere, its raining and I had Jacob take the car to work and school so we'll be home all day. I knew I couldn't stay in my pj's so I put this on instead, its still super comfy and something I won't mind wearing all day even though we're just kickin it at home plus its the first time we've had colder temperatures and I was quite excited to bust out some fall clothes.

In addition to my goal setting Savannah and I sat down and made a set list of chores that she is now responsible for. She's always had tasks she needed to do around the house and she is always a good little helper but now she has specific things she has to do everyday. In addition to these chores she also gets an allowance each week, I think Jacob and I decided on .25 cents for her to start with. I know she's going to be bringing in the money, lol. We both felt like this was an excellent way for her to start understanding the importance of saving money and being responsible. So far this week has gone well and she has done all her jobs, I'm working on making her a chore chart which I'll share later with you. Well there you have it I think I'll do well keeping my goals so far things have gone well but its only Thursday. The thing is though that I've already seen the biggest difference in myself and who I am as a mother by doing these things that I really don't think I'll want to stop.

Savannah the 4 Year Old

I don't know where the time went buy somehow this energetic and lively girl turned 4! In comparison to other birthday's this one was very low key due to the fact we had just moved 2 weeks before but it was still a great day. Savannah told me repeatedly that she LOVED her birthday which brought a smile to my face. In an attempt to make the day special for her I decorated the house the night before so Savannah woke up to a fun surprise of balloons and streamers all over the living room. When she walked out in the morning she just gasped and was so excited!!! We had pancakes and bacon for breakfast, her favorite and then I let her open one of her presents. She had seen the big bottle of bubbles I got for her so that's what she got in the morning and we had a fun time playing with them, bubbles are a favorite for both the girls. Savannah picked out her outift for the day which totally cracked me up because it didn't match at all but she had a smile on her face the whole day so I didn't care. She choose to wear her white and pink striped shirt with her purple birthday hat and her skirt her grandma Jefferies gave her from Africa. Her skirt is dark green with black and tan swirls on it. She looked pretty funny but everyone who saw her that day soon had a smile on their faces. We went to the library one of Savannah's favorite places and made cupcakes. That night we went to Jacob's school to have her party in the car. Since Jacob has class from 2-9 every night its our new thing to take dinner to Jacob every night so he can see the girls at least once a day. We got pizza for the occasion and then had our lemon cupcakes that Savannah had picked out and of course they had pink frosting. She also got to open her other two presents, a princess flashlight and a pack of gum. The things she asked for this year really cracked me up, I think she finished her gum in 2 days and I had to hide it from her so she didn't put it all in her mouth in one sitting. That night when Savannah went to bed she told me how much she loved her birthday and how happy she was. That's something I really love about Savannah, I know she would have loved a big huge party but she is able to find joy in the little things and knew what a great day she had had.
Just to add a few things about Savannah now that she's 4...She still has a very head strong personality, she knows what she wants and she usually wants it now. Patience is still not her strong suite but she is getting better. Savannah loves to color and draw and she's getting so much better at staying in the lines and her pictures actually resemble what's she's trying to draw. Savannah includes Olivia in her games more often and tries to be more patient with her little sister. Savannah still LOVES to wear skirts all the time and she is now wanting long skirts to make her look more like a princess, cause you know you can't see many princesses feet so we shouldn't be able to see hers either. Savannah loves playing dress-up and playing make believe, its so fun to see what games she thinks up she really does have quite the imagination. Savannah is also very interested in school and she can't wait to start preschool (we have her on a wait list right now) and she is always asking me "why" and she will not stop until I have satisfied her question. Savannah loves animals but only from a distance, she is constantly asking me to take her to the zoo. Savannah is just a joy, I wouldn't trade her for anything and I can't imagine my life without her.

Life

Life around here is busy. Busy is actually an understatement but it'll do. We are constantly doing something and amid all the packing and rearranging I have to do we've also had something every day this week. Olivia started Occupational and Speech Therapy last week and we're so excited she finally got in. We were on a  wait list for 6 months for occupational therapy. She's doing so well already and we have some good plans in place to help her progress even more. One of those plans is to go to occupational therapy twice a week and so far Olivia loves going but she's only been 3 times. Another exciting thing is Olivia will be 2 on Saturday!!! I don't know where the time went but I can't believe my baby will be 2. I'll post more about her on her birthday but all I can say is that these past two years with Olivia in our family have been wonderful and she is the sweetest thing in the whole world.
I've also been thinking about life. About where it takes us, the decisions we make, and the talents/personality traits we have. Life has most definitely thrown our little family some curve balls the last few weeks. These curve balls have made me happy to have certain talents/personality traits. When I think of talents I usually think of physical talents like singing, dancing, being athletic, you know things like that. Mine aren't like that and that's fine because I've learned that you can be talented in other things. Right now I'm thankful for my optimism. If you didn't know that about me I'm pretty optimistic. I really like that about myself. This optimism has really come in handy because our plans to move have been tweaked a bit and it totally sucks! Things didn't go as planned, decisions had to be made, and the outcome is not ideal. Jacob is still going to school but he'll be going to Arizona by himself at first. Once he's found a job and a place for us to live the girls and I will follow. It sucks right? We're hoping to follow Jacob in September but it could be as long as January. The thought of that almost brings me to tears and on occasion has. I know everything will work out, I know things happen for a reason, and I know I can't always see the good that will come from the path that I'm on. There are good and bad things to this decision, obviously being without Jacob is less then ideal or desired but Olivia can now continue with therapy a bit longer and get the help she's been needing. It will be nice to have Jacob in Arizona while looking for a place for us to live, it was very challenging to find a place while not living there. It will be an adjustment living with my in-laws, they come home on the 8th and the girls and I will continue to live in their home once they return. I also think this will be an oppertunity for Jacob and I as parents to learn and grow for the better. To learn to appreciate each other, our roles as parents, and our  little family even more.
So there you have it, that's my life right now. Our plans can change in a moment but we just need to adapt and make the best out of what's thrown at us. My days are still filled with packing but now I'm setting up a room for myself and rearranging our furniture to make room for my in-laws and the girls and I. My life is full of surprises and keeps me on my toes but its also a good life that I would never change.

Something I'll miss

My Life Right Now

This is my life right now. We're moving again, in 3 weeks actually and this is our biggest move yet. My in-laws are coming home from their 18 month mission to Zimbabwe, Africa on the 8th of August. By that day my little family and I will be in our new home in Arizona. You read right, Arizona. Right now my days are filled with going threw old boxes to see if after 14 months of living without these things if I really still need them. Some things I do but about half of it will not be making the trip with us. Then I have to get started packing everything else. Jacob's last day of work is August 3rd and we're packing our moving truck the 4th. Now why Arizona some may be asking? Well that just adds to our adventure. Jacob has worked for the past 7/8 years for a company that promised  a future but we came to realize it would never come to pass. His job couldn't give us what we wanted and needed and Jacob became more and more unhappy where he was at. He went from loving getting up and going to work to absolutely HATING it. I love how for the past year and a half or more he's continued to put everything he has into his job while feeling that he is unappreciated and undervalued so that he can continue to support us. About the time we moved into my in-laws Jacob started considering going to school. We both felt like this was a really good idea and Jacob took off with it, this act alone showed me how serious he was. If you know Jacob at all he always spouts off ideas of things he can do but that's all he does. With school it was different. He researched it, applied, found out all he needed to do to be prepared, and has just taken the lead which is usually what I do. Jacob decided he wanted to go to school to become a Gunsmith. When I tell people that I usually get a look that says oh really? Then I'm asked, "So what do you think about that?" I could actually care less what Jacob does for a living as long as it supports our family and allows me to be home with our children and depending on what career path he chooses in that field after he graduates he'll be more then capable of doing that. I don't have a sense of absolute dread or fear, I actually feel excited and at peace. So unless everything goes completely wrong in the next 3 weeks it looks like we'll soon become residents of the great state of Arizona for the foreseeable future. Most likely for the next 4 years while Jacob gets his Gunsmithing degree along with is Associates and after that who knows. Like I said its an adventure and as of now I have no idea where it will take us or how it will end.