Overwhelmed

I hate feeling overwhelmed especially when I didn't know I was and suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks that yes I am completely and undeniably overwhelmed with pretty much every aspect of my life. I feel like I'm treading water just trying to keep up with the basic have to things in life and everything else is just falling by the wayside. I hate this feeling and its actually a feeling that is quite foreign to me if I'm being totally honest. I pride myself in the fact that I'm organized, that I really never take on more then I can handle, and that I'm a finisher meaning I always get the job done. So what's happened in the last 5 months since I last wrote that has made me feel so completely not myself? I got pregnant with our fourth baby. Now we are beyond thrilled to be having another baby, we had been trying for almost 8 months to get pregnant before it finally happened and we are so grateful to have another sweet baby come to our home. With that being said this little one has already turned my world upside down to be something that I don't even recognize. The biggest factor is that I'm still feeling sick and I'm currently 22 1/2 weeks pregnant and this is the sickest I have ever been hands down. I've also had a few complications with this pregnancy technically making me high risk and I've had more doctors appointments because of this. My house is a disaster zone most days, my kids are watching way too much tv, I still haven't folded my laundry from last week and its time to wash even more stuff, I feel like I'm neglecting Jacob and the girls because honestly I don't have any energy. I get scared that this will be my new normal once this baby is finally here, what if I have officially bitten off more then I can chew? But that's just the pessimist in me which I don't' let come out that often, the optimist knows deep down that I can do this, that eventually I'll start to feel like myself again, that slowly I'll be able to do more and actually be able to fold my laundry and if its a really good day even put it away. Because I know feeling this way is totally worth it to hold our sweet baby girl in four short months, to finally have this little one here because I've known for quite some time that she is meant to be a part of our family. When I remember all those things I don't feel quite so overwhelmed and I'm reminded of what's really important. Its not how clean my house is, how amazing our dinners are, or how many times I've gotten to take a shower in a week. Its that my family has a roof over their heads, that I have an amazing and hardworking husband, that I have 3 almost 4 beautiful and incredible children, that I understand what it is to love someone with my whole soul even someone that I haven't met yet. This life we have is a gift and its up to us to make the most of it, its ok to have bad days, to feel like we cant go on as long as we move past those feelings and realize how amazing we really are, that we can do hard things and do them well.

Here is one of the many pictures we have of our sweet little girl, also she's due to arrive the day after Christmas which also happens to me my birthday. All of us are so excite45d to finally meet her, she's shaping up to be just has lively as her other sisters since she's constantly kicking me and moving around. I know I'll have my work cut out for me fore sure but I really wouldn't change a thing.