How we got SOAP

This 4th pregnancy was  difficult to say the least. Compared to others I'm sure it looked like a walk in the park but for one of my pregnancies it was hard, frustrating, and scary and some days my pessimistic side got the better of me if I'm being totally honest. I had the unfortunate pleasure of having my all day sickness last till about 7 months which is really difficult and hard when you have 3 other children and are fairly active like I am. My days are full of appointments and commitments and play dates and all sorts of things. Because I was so sick all the time I quickly had to re-prioritize what was most important to me and I had to scale back on extra stuff which for me is hard to do. I was also deemed a high risk pregnancy this time as well due to various test results we got which also meant I got to drive to Phoenix weekly for ultrasounds as well as having weekly non-stress tests here in Prescott. Due to my high risk status my doctors and I decided that I should be induced at 37 weeks to protect the health of Penelope. I had tested positive for jka and s antibodies which are more uncommon and rare antibodies to develop and there is no treatment that can be given before birth. Basically what could happen is that my body could start to attack the babies and she would become anemic and would need a blood transfusion at birth among a list of other possible health concerns that could have happened. So with all that swirling around in my brain I was more then willing to consent to an induction even though I hated mine with Abby. We called my in-laws to let them know that I would be induced on Tuesday, December 8th so they needed to be at our house by Monday night to help us with the girls and so my mother-in-law could be there for the birth. My final non-stress test went great and I was all set for my induction. My in-laws arrived Monday afternoon and we finished all the last minute items on my to do list to be ready for the next morning. Finally at 10:30 my mother in law got us to go to bed and I was starting to get nervous for the next morning. I was remembering how painful contractions with pitocin were and I was praying I'd get an epidural this time. I got into bed and was trying to get myself comfortable when I had a familiar feeling, something I hadn't felt since Olivia's birth...my water broke. It was different this time though, with Olivia it was like two 1gallon milk jugs got dumped on my bed but this time I heard the familiar pop and when I was finally brave enough to make a small cough I felt a small gush, I honestly questioned if  I had just peed myself or if it was really my water breaking after all it was still 3 weeks from my due date. I went into the bathroom and told Jacob to get his mom because I was pretty sure my water had broken, being a nurse she helped confirm my theory of it being my water and not pee. I decided to take a shower and then I attempted to lay in bed and get a little bit of sleep. Around 1 am my contractions were getting a little too intense to stay asleep but they weren't consistent so I decided to kick things into gear by walking the length of my kitchen and living room. My mother-in-law got up with me to time my contractions and I'm glad she did. My contractions became constant and never ending. Their intensity would dull but I would have constant contractions for over 20 minutes. Finally around 3am I was getting so loud that I was nervous I'd wake up the girls so Jacob, his mom, and I headed to the hospital. I had to stop 2 or 3 times from the front entrance of the hospital until I got to my room, by this time it was 3:30 and I was getting checked in. That also took forever because I kept having to stop to breath threw my contractions. When the nurse finally checked me I was almost a 7! I know my mouth dropped I just couldn't believe how dilated I was over such a short period of time. I then mentioned my very strong desire for and epidural and they called the anesthesiologist who had to come from Prescott. At this point I started to tear up a bit because it was becoming so painful and I was convinced the anesthesiologist wouldn't make it and I would once again have a natural child birth. Jacob was so sweet and told me it would be alright and that yes I might have to do this on my own but I'd done it before so I could do it again. I was the most vocal I'd ever been during this labor on what I wanted and needed and I made sure to let everyone in my room know exactly what I was feeling to ensure a less chaotic delivery then Abigail's. I asked to be checked before my epidural was placed and I was almost a 9, I decided to continue to get the epidural still because my cervix still wasn't quite ready and I desperately wanted any kind of relief I could get. For those of you who haven't' had the joy of experiencing contractions the only thing I can think to describe them is the worst gas pain you've ever felt x10 and on steroids. At least that's what they feel like for me. I had two major contractions while my epidural was being placed and by the time he was done I was at a 10 and almost ready to push. I could feel the pressure and knew it would be any minute, I once again had to wait for the doctor to get there before I could push and I was desperately trying not to till the doctor arrived. I was so exhausted by this point that I had a hard time pushing once I could but after about 15 minutes out came our beautiful healthy baby girl. I burst into tears like I did with the other 3 and held my baby girl and all the appointments, being sick, and the whole process were worth it because we now had this beautiful perfect little girl. Even as I'm writing this I'm getting teary eyed remembering that sweet moment. Penelope Lorraine Jefferies was born at 5:33 am just 3 minutes after I was scheduled to be induced ironically and just 2 short hours after arriving at the hospital. She was 7lbs 2oz and 20in long and just perfect in every way, all of our concerns for her after birth didn't come to fruition which was a relief and a tender mercy. We stayed in the hospital for two nights just to keep an eye on her and to make sure everything looked good. Jacob is in love with her name and I'm warming up to it more every day, her middle name though has special meaning to me because it was my grandmothers name. I knew early on that I wanted Lorraine to be her middle name, all of our girls have a family name as their middle name and both Savannah and Penelope have names from my side of the family and they represent people that I have a deep love for that are no longer with me here on this earth. Penelope is now a week and a half old and we are all smitten with her, she is a wonderful, calm, and sweet baby. I often catch myself in the most blissful state while holding her and rubbing her back and trying to soak up every memory of this time that I can. Life seems perfect now with our SOAP girls (Savannah, Olivia, Abigail, and Penelope).

Overwhelmed

I hate feeling overwhelmed especially when I didn't know I was and suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks that yes I am completely and undeniably overwhelmed with pretty much every aspect of my life. I feel like I'm treading water just trying to keep up with the basic have to things in life and everything else is just falling by the wayside. I hate this feeling and its actually a feeling that is quite foreign to me if I'm being totally honest. I pride myself in the fact that I'm organized, that I really never take on more then I can handle, and that I'm a finisher meaning I always get the job done. So what's happened in the last 5 months since I last wrote that has made me feel so completely not myself? I got pregnant with our fourth baby. Now we are beyond thrilled to be having another baby, we had been trying for almost 8 months to get pregnant before it finally happened and we are so grateful to have another sweet baby come to our home. With that being said this little one has already turned my world upside down to be something that I don't even recognize. The biggest factor is that I'm still feeling sick and I'm currently 22 1/2 weeks pregnant and this is the sickest I have ever been hands down. I've also had a few complications with this pregnancy technically making me high risk and I've had more doctors appointments because of this. My house is a disaster zone most days, my kids are watching way too much tv, I still haven't folded my laundry from last week and its time to wash even more stuff, I feel like I'm neglecting Jacob and the girls because honestly I don't have any energy. I get scared that this will be my new normal once this baby is finally here, what if I have officially bitten off more then I can chew? But that's just the pessimist in me which I don't' let come out that often, the optimist knows deep down that I can do this, that eventually I'll start to feel like myself again, that slowly I'll be able to do more and actually be able to fold my laundry and if its a really good day even put it away. Because I know feeling this way is totally worth it to hold our sweet baby girl in four short months, to finally have this little one here because I've known for quite some time that she is meant to be a part of our family. When I remember all those things I don't feel quite so overwhelmed and I'm reminded of what's really important. Its not how clean my house is, how amazing our dinners are, or how many times I've gotten to take a shower in a week. Its that my family has a roof over their heads, that I have an amazing and hardworking husband, that I have 3 almost 4 beautiful and incredible children, that I understand what it is to love someone with my whole soul even someone that I haven't met yet. This life we have is a gift and its up to us to make the most of it, its ok to have bad days, to feel like we cant go on as long as we move past those feelings and realize how amazing we really are, that we can do hard things and do them well.

Here is one of the many pictures we have of our sweet little girl, also she's due to arrive the day after Christmas which also happens to me my birthday. All of us are so excite45d to finally meet her, she's shaping up to be just has lively as her other sisters since she's constantly kicking me and moving around. I know I'll have my work cut out for me fore sure but I really wouldn't change a thing.

Changing direction

You know when you get married or you're about to have a baby and people give you tons of advice? Some of it you find useful and some of it goes in one ear and out another. When I got married to Jacob I remember someone telling me not to talk badly about him to other people, that I should try and highlight his good qualities when talking about him to friends. I really liked this and for the most part I've been successful at it. One of the reasons I like this is because it makes me forget the stupid little stuff he does that might sometimes annoy me because I'm remembering all the awesome things he does and qualities he has. It helps me to fall in love with him over and over again and reminds me how amazing he really is. Now where am I going with this you might ask? Well I'll tell you; for as good as I am at following this advice with my husband I've realized I'm not that good at applying this advice when it comes to my children. Now let me start by saying how much I love and adore my girls and they have AMAZING qualities but sometimes I look at those amazing qualities and I don't see them in the most positive light, I've realized that lately I've been more negative then positive and I want it to change. I've been trying to understand my girls more and how they're personalities work and how I can better understand and help them to be the best versions of themselves. So to help me along I wanted to write little letters to each of my girls and highlight and share what I love about them.

Savannah,
 You my dear girl were born to lead and there is no question in my mind why you were sent to our family first. Since I was pregnant with you I've known you would be full of energy and full of ideas and I was right. Your mind is always working and coming up with new and exciting ideas I just can't wait to see what you'll think of next because its never what I expect. Your creativity is beautiful, you see things in such a way that you capture them beautifully and in your own unique way.You're so confident, you have more confidence them some adults and you are fearless, nothing is unattainable for you. You are independent, you don't need the approval of others to influence your choices. You are an amazing problem solver, watching you work out a problem is fascinating because I get a small glimpse of how your mind works and its beautiful. You are passionate! You feel your emotions so strongly and this can make you so empathetic and caring. You are loyal, you defend those you love with passion and care for them with such tenderness when they are hurt. You Savannah are one of a kind and it is such a privilege to be your mother.

Olivia,
 One of you strongest qualities is your sweetness. You have an amazing ability to make those around you feel joy and safe. I've seen you help bring people out of their shell and you're able to make almost anyone smile and laugh. You have an amazing energy about you. You are determined and are able to find ways to achieve whatever task is in front of you. You are aware of those around you and their feelings, you are very tender hearted and sensitive, you feel your emotions passionately and freely and you aren't embarrassed to let others know how you feel. You are kind and often put others before yourself. You are able to find happiness in the smallest things and you openly and freely show your love to those around you. Your love and spirit are infectious and it makes being your mother a joy.

Abigail,
 You possess this amazing ability to light up a room Abigail. Your laugh is infectious and you radiate happiness. You are determined!!! Nothing will stand in your way to accomplish your goal and you will find a way to achieve any task you set your mind too. You are smart, I love seeing how you look at the world and the things in it and you look outside the box. You see something for more then its intended purpose and you can see its greater potential. Watching you explore your world is a privilege, you are so curious to know how everything works and how you can make it work for you. You are SO brave!!! Fear does not stop you from doing what you want. You're active, you want to know what's going on around you and you want to see and experience life. You Abigail are a joy to love and take care of.

Have you ever done this with your kids? Actually taken the time to put into writing what it is you love about them? Maybe I'm just not as on top of it as some of you but its amazing. As I wrote about each of my girls I could feel my love for them growing as I relived memories and saw my girls the way their Heavenly Father must see them.

Opposites

Monday was a hard day for me and I have no idea why. Everything was hard, waking up was almost impossible, I could barely keep my eyes open all day, I even took a nap while Abby was asleep and Olivia was playing quietly in the living room. I don't know what it was but I had no energy and no motivation. My to do list was long, I had no shortage of things to occupy my time. I worked out and ate a good breakfast. Nothing I did seemed to quench my desire to just sleep, even my nap didn't help and it was a good hour of uninterrupted sleep. Fast forward to the next day, Tuesday and I had more energy and motivation then I knew what to do with which was good since my to do list had doubled in size with my lack of motivation and energy from the day before. I accomplished everything that I wanted and more. I woke up with enough time to work out, get dressed, make everyone breakfast, make Savannah's lunch, watch our character video, say morning prayers and get Savannah out the door and on the bus by 7:45. The younger girls and I were at an appointment by 9 followed by running to the store and then heart attacking Jacob's car at work and because I was so on top of it we fit in a quick 15 minute play date at the park before going home, having lunch, putting Abby down for a nap and getting Olivia on the bus at 11:50. Then I still had the entire rest of the afternoon to get the girls valentines for school started and the beginnings of dinner going. It was just funny to me to see the stark contrasts between Monday and Tuesday. I'm grateful for the Tuesday's I have to make up for the Monday's in my life. Also before Savannah left for school I snapped a few pictures of the girls, this one was my favorite.