Just thinking...

So I got to see one of my really good friends tonight. I've been friends with her for what seems like forever, I think about at least 16 years although our families have known each other for much longer. It was fun to think back on how we used to be and what drew us towards each other to become friends in the first place. In our younger years we would not look like best friends by our outside appearance but deep down even then we knew we were kindred spirits. I realized what I love about this friend and all my friends for that matter is their sense of independence and confidence in who they are. Now that's not saying they are always independent and always confident but for the most part they are. Also they're typically optimistic people. I mean who really wants to be friends with someone who is always seeing the down side of things!? Its not a high maintenance friendship either, we can go months without talking to each other but we're able to pick up right where we left off as if we've never been apart. I love this. My reason in talking about this is I've really though hard tonight about who I was as a teenager. It was definitely not my finest hour. I like to think of myself as this nice sweet girl who was so good but I wasn't. I mean don't get me wrong I was these things except I was also a stupid teenager. I was mean to people, I hurt people, and I made stupid choices. I don't really know why I'm sharing this but for some reason I think I just wanted to put that out there. I want to admit as I'm sure you all already know that I'm not perfect. That I have made and continue to make stupid choices. That I try to learn from my mistakes and that I try to be better then I was. I'm sorry to anyone I've ever hurt. Its amazing how wrapped up in yourself you are as a teenager. At least I was, I didn't see how the choices I made really effected others and that things I did really hurt those around me. I would never go as far to say that I wish my life were different but I do sometimes wish I could go back and change some things. That I could be a bit more thoughtful and make some smarter choices. I still want to end up with the things I have now but maybe I could change how I got here? Not a lot just a little bit. Sorry if this doesn't make any sense, my thoughts are a bit scattered and half of you have probably stopped reading this. Like I said I really was a good person and I think I still am but I think we all have regrets and things we wish we could change.